First Love

"Anybody should be fine if it was just to ease loneliness
Because the stars in the night sky seems like falling, I cant lie to myself"

-One More Time, One More Chance (5 Centimeters Per Second)

It has been a few days after our break-up. Admittedly, I am still in a state of disorientation. I kept distracting myself by doing a lot of things during the day to exhaust myself and get some decent sleep.

I never imagined that it would feel this way. How painful the feeling would be. Thinking about you, draws me into tears.

I find it hard to hide the signs of sleepless nights of endless crying with people around me. I had to think of alibis.

Others might say, "why not just forget about it and stop the damn crying and move on?" But for me I find it much easier to cry than suppressing to myself the pain I feel.

I finally realized how much I have loved you, after everything we've been through.

I can't even look at you and say goodbye. I could not hold the tears. The pathetic me sobbed like insanity broke loose and my saving grace was the darkness in that jeep that enveloped me from the curiosity of the people around me. The exchange of messages intensified what I was feeling, I made it clear what was happening to me.

I felt you had the feeling of guilt as you tried to call and talk to me. I never answered the call because I was not ready at all to talk to you. I was still trembling at that moment.

When I had the guts to answer you, all I could hear were sobs.

You didn't want any of these things. You felt bad and worried about what I can do with myself.