Cold Ones

Dear Journal,

We came across each other last night. I flashed an awkward smile when he said "hi" and my mind went blank with the strange feeling. I was out of my rational self. The next thing I know I was across the table with him and having dinner. He asked me how have I been for the past weeks and i answered short "ok's" and could not even look at him straight in the eye. Despite the apparent  inattention I've tried to portray he persistently talked about what was going on with him.

I still love him, I wanted to say that but I know he won't love me the same way and he would always look far beyond me, as if I no longer his focal point.

Although, unplanned we made love for what I believe could be the last time I'll ever see him.

Out of the longing and love I have for him I've uttered "I missed you"...

But an expected response did not came close.. not even a whisper...

We woke up and I was hugging him from behind. I've felt the coldness of what was once his tender and warm embraces...

At that point I've realized the reality of it all...

He no longer loves me, that's certain..

and that may be the pain I have to endure for a long time